Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
