that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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