My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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