did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
