She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
