i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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