dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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