When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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