"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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