I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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