Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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