So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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