i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
