Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
