I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
