her vagine was all disorganized.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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