Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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