She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
