I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
