Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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