she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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