There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
