So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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