People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
