you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
