How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
