Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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