Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
