Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
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