if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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