next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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