remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
