I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The feeling are messing with the penis
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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