Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
