I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
