My first STD was from a foam party
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
