were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
