i would punch a child for taco bell
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Randomize
