to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
