I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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