I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
