I hate all girls vehemently.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
