i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
