I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
