He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
