Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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