Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
This baby is an asshole
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
