Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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