And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
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