It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You need a sexual gate keeper
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
