Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
