that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
