the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
