I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
