He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My first STD was from a foam party
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
