i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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