I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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